The Jesus Rolls (2019) ☆ ☆

Faithful readers, you are in for a rare spectacle.  This is going to be a double review, and I may very well go off the rails delivering it.  Every once in a while I become provoked, and I must respond.  This began with my attempt to catch up on 2020 releases.  I came across The Jesus Rolls, which had a 2020 date, even though it was released internationally in 2019 and actually completed in 2017 (its copyright date).  I didn’t know anything about it at all, but I’m trying to catch up, so I added it to my Netflix DVD queue.

I have now seen The Jesus Rolls, and frankly don’t know what to make of it.  It’s a very weird film with a nonexistent story that plays like a 1970s-era European film — which is exactly what it is based upon.  I’ve never seen 1974’s Going Places with Gerard Depardieu, but I’ve read about it, and that movie shares the same source material as this new movie.  Okay.  Let’s take a look at it.

John Turturro’s film follows Jesus Quintana (John Turturro) as he is released from prison, reunites with his buddy Petey (Bobby Cannavale) and generally raise hell.  They steal a car, befriend a hot woman named Marie (Audrey Tautou), travel around, have sex, take drugs, enjoy life, avoid work and try to stay out of prison (but not trouble).  The film’s European sensibility allows its characters to do whatever they want with little or no regard to societal norms or responsibilities.  Thankfully, they are minor players in the big wild game of Life.

It’s a strange movie, and I still don’t know what I think about it.  It riles me, it disgusts me, it thrills me, it bewilders me.  It’s not really my kind of film, despite the presence and lingering views of luscious Audrey Tautou.  I can appreciate some of its earthy appreciation of every aspect of life but I find it hard to relate to much of what I witnessed.  Then, afterwards, I did my research and discovered that, lo and behold, this is a follow-up of sorts to the Coen Brothers cult film The Big Lebowski.  Turturro appears in that film as Jesus Quintana, and he received permission from the Coens to take the character on this new adventure.  Who knew?

Well, I had never seen The Big Lebowski.  I know, of course, of its cult status, of the Dude who Abides, and that it had something to do with bowling.  But my relationship with Coen Brothers movies is hit and miss, with more misses that I would prefer, and I had always resisted seeing this movie.  Until now.  Now I’ve seen the film that may be their most famous cinematic offering.  AND I HATED IT.

Yes, I hate The Big Lebowski.  It is the most overrated piece of crap that I’ve seen since Blue Velvet, and why anyone would enjoy this awful, unfunny, terrible film is beyond me.  I had expectations that the Dude (Jeff Bridges) was some sort of ultra-cool slacker who could brush off life’s tragedies and calm others in crisis, but that was one stupid assumption.  The Dude is a whiny crybaby who is too lazy and dumb to take charge of his own life, lets his even stupider friend Walter (John Goodman) goad him into life-threatening situations and is a pompous ass about his own name.  The private eye-like mystery is lame, the bowling scenes are uninspired, the dream sequences are almost as nutty as those in O Brother, Where Art Thou?, another Coen film I hated, and the whole kidnapping scenario is total nonsense.  None of the characters are likable, the dialogue is relentlessly profane, the Dude can barely speak a coherent sentence and Donnie (Steve Buscemi) is mistreated the whole time and then dies needlessly.  What a train wreck.

It was all I could do just to finish watching this crud.  John Turturro shows up twice in bowling alley scenes and taunts the Dude.  Why Turturro thought there was something more to do with his character is a mystery; perhaps he was thinking of “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead,” where two minor characters from “Hamlet” get their own story.  I will say this for The Jesus Rolls: it’s definitely a better film than the Coen Brothers fiasco.  My final tally: ☆ ☆ for The Jesus Rolls (largely for Audrey), ☆ for The Big Lebowski.  This may not be the worst Coen Brothers film I’ve ever seen, but it’s darn close.  I’ve finally seen it, but I sure didn’t enjoy it.  Better luck next time, I hope.

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