Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) ☆ 1/2

I have been upfront about my indifference concerning cinematic fantasy and magical adventure, so it should not be surprising that I haven’t enjoyed these Fantastic Beasts films at all.  To be fair and honest, I felt the same way about the Harry Potter phenomenon, but I do recognize the incredible effort and consistent artistry that it took to make those films and I’ve seen them all multiple times and actually don’t mind most of them (my wife Barb is a big fan so we run across them on cable quite a lot).  But these new fantasy adventures from Ms. Rowling lack so much of the humanity that made the Potter films so hard to dislike.

David Yates’ film (the third in a series which is supposed to reach five total) stages power-mad Grindelwald (Mads Mikkelsen, replacing Johnny Depp) against young Albus Dumbledore (Jude Law) in a battle for warlock supremacy.  If Grindelwald wins, he will declare war on the muggles (you and I); Dumbledore wants to keep the magical people separate from the non-magical people, in perpetual peace.  As such, this is a political hot potato of a plot, especially since the filmmakers are so eager to equate Grindelwald’s policies with that of a former U. S. president, and are not subtle about it.

The political angle is fine, I guess; it adds a bit more punch to a story whose conclusion seems inevitable.  And the special effects, when they are eventually employed, seem well done.  But this story is deadly dull, and not very convincing.  Director Yates helmed the last four Potter films, including the splitting of the “Deadly Hallows” story into two agonizingly slow, interminable films.  Believe it or not, this one is even more boring.  Despite the high political stakes involved, there is almost no direct conflict!  What we have is a lot of skulking around, kidnapping of animals, lots of discussions of things and the quiet revelation that Dumbledore is actually gay.  Who cares?  It’s hard to care about any of this when the characters don’t seem to be able to do anything.

And the characters are my biggest problem with this film, and this series.  I don’t care about any of them.  Gamekeeper Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is even more reticent than usual.  His girlfriend Tina (Katherine Waterston) is barely in the story!  Perhaps because none of them are children (or ever seem to have been children), these characters are cold and harder to like than the Potter crowd.  None of them is remotely interesting.  The story is convoluted and dull and even the actors seem dispirited.  I’ve yet to find an affinity for them at all, and I wouldn’t mind if this series just closed up shop now.  ☆ 1/2.  6 May 2022.

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