Madame Web (2024) ☆ 1/2

There must be an awful lot of comic book material, weird characters with weird superpowers and such, which has not been adapted to film yet.  This is one such adaptation, I think, and one which really should have been avoided.  It’s a “Spider-Man” hybrid that makes very little sense while one watches it, and even less later.  I may write spoilers in this review, so beware.  The takeaway is that it is not very good.

S. J. Clarkson’s film follows Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson, very miscast), a NYC paramedic who suddenly finds herself with clairvoyance and the ability to relive stressful episodes of her life so that she is not killed.  Turns out the spider-power wielding man who killed her mother in Peru (while she was researching spiders) is hunting for three young women about whom he has visions in which they kill him.  So Ezekiel (Tahar Rahim) sets out to kill them first, and Cassie sets out to protect them.  Eventually they have a big battle at a waterfront warehouse and Cassie realizes how much power she actually wields (from the spider bite she received as a baby) and takes care of business.

What a bunch of malarkey.  The three young women are appealing (Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor) but Dakota seems miscast throughout.  It’s as if she never commits to the material, and it’s hard to blame her.  Then, there’s the whole matter of Ezekiel’s visions.  The three women kill him in his visions, and they are all spider-variants of some sort as well, wearing costumes and having spider powers more powerful than his own.  Yet nowhere in the story do these women wear these costumes or wield these powers.  It’s all in the future.  So his visions are completely untrue.  Which makes this drama utterly stupid, because he’s delusional.  What a waste.

There are things of interest in the movie, of course, from the attractive cast to the mythos of the spider-people in Peru (one of whom eventually trains Cassie in the use of her powers).  And this is obviously a setup for what the studio certainly hoped would become a franchise.  But this movie is so poorly constructed (and received) that there will never be a sequel, unless they go straight to video with all new no-name cast members.  This is a film that should never have been made.  ☆ 1/2.  10 March 2024.

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